I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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