oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
