his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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