It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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