i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
