I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize