Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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