she kept yelling 'call me bella'
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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