I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You are a booty call, not a friend.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
