sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
