real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
