no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
