some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
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