I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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