He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
