My Higher Power is John Stamos
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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