He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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