sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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