Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
