Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
