summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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