The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
