She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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