I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
