Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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