I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Randomize
