you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
