Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
