Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
