When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize