You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
