3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
