My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
