Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
