You smell like stripper and shame
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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