Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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