Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
