didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
