I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
