Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize