As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
