I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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