Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
