I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
