Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
