Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
