I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We don't watch enough power rangers
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
