When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
