Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize