I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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