May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
should my penis look like a turkey
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
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