I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
