He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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