I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
