Small penises have feelings too.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
