What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Randomize
