come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
