I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Randomize
