I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
