I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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