she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
