Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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