i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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