Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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