Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
