I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
