so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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