i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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