nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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