I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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