i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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