Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
