it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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