Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
