I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
