I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
