The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
