how can u be prego again
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
We got so high we made milksteak
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
