I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize